the audacity to take up space

archive #3 🍵 thoughts on self belief in the workplace

December 06, 2022

Hi readers! Happy December and welcome to issue 3. It's crazy to think we're in the last stretch of 2022 already. Congrats to YOU for making it to the end of this crazy year.

This issue, I'm breaking down a quality that I've noticed in individuals in specific careers: a seemingly natural self belief. I've tweeted about it, but listening to a specific podcast has inspired me to break that down and consider what that means for us who don't naturally have it.

Interested in the above, a writing update and a rec for amazing pho? Keep scrolling.

🍵 the audacity of taking up space

Everyone knows that guy at work. You know. He's always certain he's right, even when he's not, but that's never stopped him. Despite a lack of actual experience, he describes himself as a visionary. That guy.

I refer to this quality as audacity. They have the audacity to just...be like that.

You could say this quality is simply over-confidence, or arrogance, but I believe there's more to it. You can have audacity without being annoying. They get into the rooms they want, they meet the people they want to meet, they get shit done. I'm not talking about arrogance. I'm talking about a stubborn, unwavering and persistent self belief.

Like all sweeping generalisations, this isn't just present in men, but it's the kind of attitude not everybody can simply get away with. Especially for marginalised groups, such as women, we are often told to 'know our place', so it feels odd to even think of myself that way. I'm writing this partially to distill my self-named phenomenon of (mostly) male audacity into learnings that I could realistically apply to my own life, for whom said audacity doesn't come naturally.

When I think of audacity in everyday life I think:

  • The portrayal of Alexander Hamilton in Hamilton. Below are lyrics from Wait For It (this song is still a banger btw)

  • The first year student I interviewed for a university club officer position. When asked if he was a better follower than leader, before I even finished the sentence, he answered "No, no way. I can't follow people, I'm naturally better at directing. I'm a leader." Safe to say he did not get the role.

  • That one movie critic for the New York Times. Her advice to become a good art critic? 'I'm just really good at it'.

I share the above examples partly in jest; this is what happens when audacity bleeds into overconfidence. As much as I enjoy gossiping about pop culture and people I barely know, I'm more fascinated by how this trait, this audacity, presents in the workplace. This has come up in various conversations with other junior employees, especially women of colour. I'd brought up that the team I was in, a product owner team, was all men, despite a diverse female and nonbinary presence everywhere else in my department. My co-workers echoed similar sentiments in their respective departments; even when there's gender diversity across the board, men gravitate towards specific roles, such as -

  • Lawyers

  • Private bankers

  • Corporate bankers

What did we find to be essential in all these roles?

An emphasis on ownership and stakeholder engagement.

To be effective in these things, one must not only be perceived as the authority in said thing, but possess social and political capital within the community.

For example, a product owner essentially 'owns' a feature from coming up with the idea, to planning it, to delivery, etc. At certain stages, your job would be to persuade stakeholders to make a feature happen, and that can only happen if they get the right resources involved (may it be people or funding) As a product owner, this can be harder than it sounds given the range of expertise needed to get a feature delivered. You'd need involvement from design, engineering, legal, risk, and more. It's impossible for any one person to know all of these things, but you also have to get subject matter experts to take you seriously as you keep them on track of the goals you've set out to achieve.

Having worked with a number of incredible POs with non-technical backgrounds, I found the one thing they all had in common: they moved with a certain conviction, like they never questioned that they deserved to be there.

For some, this sense of belonging is a given. On the Freakonomics podcast, Moneyball author and journalist talked about how his privilege has impacted his journalism.

I suppose I’ve never felt inferior toward anyone. I had no practice in being confined to my box and being told to stay in my place. And so whenever I hit a subject, I’m always overrunning it. I’m never, like, behaving like a journalist. I’m assuming, “I’m your equal” — even if it’s the president of the United States. I want to walk in your shoes, I want to see everything I want to see, what I’m doing is as important as what you’re doing. And that has had a big effect on the nature of the material I get, because I tend to be pretty invasive and gain a kind of access.[...] “Michael became another member of the front office. He’d just come in to work, and sit in the office.” I would just come and squat. If I’d come at them in a more formal, normal way, I don’t think I’d ever have been in that situation.

- Michael Lewis

This quote is a lot to take in, but it perfectly sums up what I've been trying to get at. When you're in a position where you're constantly entering different rooms, it's essential to be comfortable with taking up space without permission.

What I've been calling audacity is simply the innate security that you and your work are just as important as everyone else's, regardless of who you are in the conversation. It seems basic enough, but it's a good foundation for self belief. Telling this to myself at work has helped with my all-too-annoying impostor syndrome. I may not know as much as everyone else in this room, but I deserve to be here and I'll act like it.

🗒️ how to be audacious:

Without realising, I've put this new perspective into practice over the last few months. Here's some reflections on what I've done and how it's helped me. Hopefully it'll help you too, especially if you're starting out in your career!

#1 Be conscious of when you make yourself smaller. Do it less.

You'd be surprised at how much you do this day-to-day. I've realised how much I apologise for requesting things I need to do my job, or how I'd always sit at the back of the room. Once you take yourself more seriously and do what you say, so will everyone else.

#2 Have an audacious mentor/buddy

I asked my buddy on the product owner team how he navigated his career as the youngest and least experienced person on his team. How did he make people take him seriously? He just said 'You just...do your work. And assume people will take you seriously.' He was a good sense check about whether I'm making the most of my opportunities. Since then, he's also encouraged me to target roles I'm interested in even if I'm under-qualified. I would never have done that previously.

#3 Know your purpose. If not, make it clear that you intend to figure it out.

I made myself smaller because I felt like I had no right to be there. Once I figured out for certain I wanted to work on this team permanently (it was during a rotation), I told my manager. Expressing my self belief, it changed the tone of the conversations we had more towards action and progression. My work was as important as theirs because I presented clear initiative to invite myself into these spaces. You aren't an expert yet? No one is! Everyone fakes it til they make it eventually.

My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. If you don't feel the need to do so, maybe take it as a sign that this isn't the place for you.

#4 If all the above don't work...just don't give a f*ck.

Only after writing this to the end have I realized - I'm trying to write about how to get the benefits of audacity without coming from a position where people are less inclined to expect that from you. That's counterintuitive. The true spirit of audacity is to not give a f*ck what people expect and be stubborn for yourself. I understand that's easier said than done.

If you're interested to read more about everything I've talked about, here's some good reads on relevant topics.

⏪ writing playback

I procrastinated this a lot, as you can tell by me literally publishing this in the eleventh hour rather than the usual evening. Whew! Not gonna lie. I barely edited.

For this issue, I challenged myself to write differently. By the time I start writing, I usually end up relying on statistics to prove my point. Some of my favourite writing on the internet focused purely on unpacking ideas and anecdotes, so I wanted to give that style a try. While I don't think I was successful in doing that, it was definitely a step in that direction. It's also a fairly loaded topic to unpack, even though it's a topic I've been sitting on for a while.

From now on, I think I will set aside time for writing every week rather than waiting for inspiration and a deadline to strike. This is also a public apology to my writing group, to whom I promised a draft. Soz!

Does anyone have any tips on keeping to a writing routine?

🥘 food rec of the week

📌 PHO CHU THE, footscray. Want some hearty pho the size of your head? Look no further than this restaurant. The best part? It's all $16 or less.

Thanks for hanging out with me tonight! Did you like today's issue? Subscribe to me below or reach out on socials and tell me what you think! Good night 🌕